Modern Dating Terms Explained
Modern Dating Terms Explained
My, recently divorced, friend has re-entered the dating game in her 40’s and it’s a scary place full of un-explained terms!
In our younger days, we’d visit a bar, nightclub or party and, all going well, meet someone. We’d chat, arrange to go out on a date and then take it from there. If there was chemistry then the dating would continue, if not it was a simple thanks but no thanks.
Everything about dating now is very different. You “meet” people whilst sitting home alone, wearing pyjamas and usually drinking wine. Sitting comfortably with your phone, you simply browse the pictures and swipe left or right – kind of like speed dating but without leaving the house, and then you wait to see if they match with you too!
That’s the easy part!
What comes next is a world filled with kitten-fishers, benchers and breadcrumbers! So, what does it all mean? From Benching to Thirst-trapping, we’ll give you the run down of the recent “dating-terms” so you at least feel you’re keeping up with the new generation.
Sneating or sneaking eating is the term used to describe the act of agreeing to go on a date to an expensive restaurant, because you don’t have to foot the bill. Or purposely ordering expensive dishes because you’re not paying. There are mixed opinions on this with some saying that its chivalrous for the man to pay. As much as I agree it’s nice to be treated, I can’t help feeling that sneaters are just taking these nice guys for ride!
Ghosting is basically complete rejection but without closure. It’s when someone literally removes you from their life without warning. They stop answering your calls or texts without explanations, usually with no prior warning.
Like ghosting but maintaining an absolute minimal contact. Just enough to let you think there’s still hope.
Sending flirty messages to lure you in without using much effort. A breadcrumber has a sense of when you’re ready to move on so they seize the opportunity to pull you back, leaving you a trail of brief flirtations, just so don’t forget about them yet!
This is actually pretty extreme, and happens more in “relationships” than early dating. Gas-lighting is manipulating a person to make them feel that their reality or understanding of themselves is compromised. Eg. A gas-lighter might tell you something and then deny ever saying it, to make you question yourself!. It is complete mental abuse and is usually done to exert some control over the other person or relationship.
Quickly becoming illegal around the world, stealthing is when a man removes a condom during sex, despite agreeing to wear one in the beginning. Not only does this expose both parties to varies STD’s but it’s a complete breach of trust.
Named such because a fire door can only be accessed from one-side – firedooring is reference to a totally one-sided relationship.
So called from the movie, The Great Gatsby, where Jay Gatsby would through elaborate parties, hoping that the love of his life would notice him. Gatsbying is sharing everything on social media in the hope that your crush will see it and message you.
When someone is dating more than one person at at time, benching is agreeing to a date then rescheduling when they get another offer, probably on more than once occasion.
This is much more common than I thought, and not limited to “dating” either. Thirst Trapping is posting a sexy or provocative photo of yourself, or flirty message, just to get attention and feed an ego!
Continuing to interact with an ex on social media even if you’ve ceased all IRL (in real life) contact.
If your new beau is hiding you away from others, won’t introduce you to friends/family and generally tries to avoid being seen with you in public, you are probably being “pocketed”.
Apparently when dating in the 21st century, most people will have a back-up option incase it doesn’t work out with number 1 choice. Cookie-jarring is dating a “back-up” option and keeping them interested while you’re still dating someone else.
When a person you’re dating appears interested and available then disappears entirely; only to re-appear once you’ve given up and try to move on.
Another downside to the online dating game is kitten-fishing or using images of your younger self, lying about age, weight, height, job. Not a great start to any relationship really, especially when some people lie about their age by up to 10 years!
I can offer no reasoning or explanation as to why this is the way it is now. Perhaps the younger generation are so technology focused that the idea of simply asking someone out on a date is absurd. Perhaps dating no longer holds the importance it once did? The biggest “trend” of all that comes from this is that it appears it’s ok to have more than one partner at a time – but the other person can’t know? Surely that’s just a fancy way of justifying cheating.
I just hope that I can raise my children to have more respect for themselves and consider the feelings of others before embarking on any of these “trends”.
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