How Can Sex Toys Help You Drop The Sexual Shame

How Can Sex Toys Help You Drop The Sexual Shame

If you’re like many people, you’ve probably suffered through some degree of sexual shame at some stage in your life.  Maybe you’ve agonised about showing parts of your body or revealing a fantasy or desire. Maybe you’ve worried that you want sex too much or not enough. So, how can sex toys help you drop the sexual shame?

First of all, it’s important to recognise that sexual shame originates from outside of us – parents, friends, culture, although it feels like it’s from within.  When we feel ashamed for masturbating or watching porn we assume that we feel shame because those things bad and that’s a sucky situation. Unfortunately, as much as we can recognise this as complete rubbish, it doesn’t make it any easier to shake those bad feelings and many people turn to therapy to help deal with and analyse the situation.

Another option of course is sex toys. Now, don’t get me wrong, we know that sex toys carry their own level of stigma. But they can also help you to completely change the way you see and feel about your body, sexuality, and sex in general.

  1. Play is Powerful

    As children, our entire learning journey begins with play.  Then we grow up and forget how important it is.
    There is a good reason that “sex toys” or “adult toys” are more common terms than “sex implements” or “adult products”.  The word “toys” implies fun, playfulness and exploration and this is what they they are for.  Think of a sex toy as a way of exploring your body and having fun with it, not hiding and suppressing it.

  2. Respect Your Body

    Research suggests that female vibrator users are far more likely to have breast and/or gynaecological exams.
    When we are ashamed of our bodies, we tend to neglect them because we are too embarrassed to talk to a doctor or show our body parts.
    When you use a sex toy, you get to know a lot more about your body, almost like building a friendship over a period of time. The more you learn to love your new friend, the more you want to take care of it.

  3. Empower Yourself

    Until the the 1970s, female pleasure was assumed to come from a male partner.  When vibrators hit America, women began to feel empowered, with thoughts being freed that they could have an orgasm any time they wanted, in a relationship or not.
    Sex toys will never replace our desires for human contact and intimacy, but they will allow you to own your own sexuality and pleasure and share that with a partner.

  4. Let Arousal Take Over

    For many different reasons, some people mentally block their pleasure. However, a good sex toy can create sensations so strong that they can override and breakthrough these feelings of sexual shame.  It may take some practice but eventually you will be able to relax and focus on embracing those pleasure waves.

  5. Dare to Dream

    Your imagination is a great way to begin exploring who you are and what you’re into, as a sexual person.
    Sex toys don’t come with a script so most people need to use a little of that imagination to get started. Dream big and let your imagination run wild with pleasure.

  6. Couples Communication

    We say this all the time but communication is key.  Most people wouldn’t respond too well if you jumped into bed the first time, waving a giant dildo, without first talking about it.
    Talking about different sex toys and what you’d like to do with them can be a really important part of maintaining a healthy sex life in a long term relationship.

    communication is key

  7. Feel Good About Your Body

    If you’re worried about how your body looks, it might be really difficult to relax and have a good time.
    Sex toys can be really helpful in moving that focus from how your body looks to how your body feels. Make your body feel good and then you can feel good about your body.

  8. Learn to Ask

    We all know the phrase “If you don’t ask, you don’t get”, but how can you ask for something if you don’t know what it is you want.  If you experiment with sex toys and your own sexual pleasure then you’ll be able to guide your partner in how to please you in a natural, non shameful way.

  9. Improve Sexual Desire and Function

    Regular masturbation and use of sex toys has been shown to increase sexual function, arousal and orgasm.  Think of sexual function like a muscle – the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.

  10. Self Love

    When you love yourself, you will look after your physical and emotional wellbeing much more.  Using a sex toy is the ultimate act of self love, and everyone deserves to be loved that much.

2 Comments

  1. Trisha on March 29, 2021 at 8:59 pm

    great piece, if all else fails, try alcohol, seems to break down barriers for me, although can lead to some awkward conversations in the morning.

    • Off To The Bedroom on March 30, 2021 at 10:15 pm

      Hey Trisha, thanks for your comment. Alcohol most certainly lowers a persons inhibitions but if it’s leading to awkward conversations the next day then it is probably not helping the sexual shame. This cycle of drunken sex and then shameful embarrassment the next day can become ingrained and even more difficult to deal with. If you don’t feel comfortable enough with your partner to discuss what you want or what happened then you need to address that. You should never do something you are not 100% comfortable doing, and if you need alcohol to break down the barriers then that suggests you are out of that comfort zone. Please do reach out to us on email if you want to discuss further, we are happy to provide you with professional contacts in your area.

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