Category: Sex Tips

Known by various names such as Ben Wa balls, Geisha balls, or pleasure balls, Kegel balls are small, weighted spheres designed for insertion into the vagina. Available in a range of sizes, weights, and materials, these intriguing tools serve a dual purpose: enhancing pelvic floor health and significantly boosting sexual pleasure. While they’ve gained recent mainstream attention, their use for vaginal strengthening dates back centuries. Let’s delve into what they are, how to use them safely, and how they can enrich your intimate life.

What Are Kegel Balls Used For?

Historically, Kegel balls were primarily utilized to help individuals strengthen their vaginal and pelvic floor muscles. The subtle weight of the balls provides a gentle challenge, encouraging the user to engage and tone these muscles through contraction and relaxation. A strong pelvic floor is crucial for various aspects of health, including supporting internal organs, improving bladder control, and facilitating childbirth recovery.

However, in contemporary use, Kegel balls are perhaps even more widely recognized for their ability to elevate sexual sensation and pleasure. The presence of the weighted balls internally can increase awareness of the vaginal canal and pelvic muscles. When combined with movement or sexual activity, the internal shifting and pressure of the balls can create unique and intensified sensations, often described as a deep, subtle vibration or tingling. Their mention in popular culture has certainly piqued interest, leading many to explore their pleasure-enhancing potential.

Who Can Safely Use Kegel Balls?

For most adult women, incorporating Kegel balls into their routine is safe and beneficial. However, like any exercise or intimate practice, it’s important to proceed with awareness and caution. Potential risks, though rare, can include muscle strain from overuse or improper technique, or discomfort if the wrong size or weight is used.

It is highly recommended to consult with a healthcare provider or a pelvic floor physical therapist before using Kegel balls if you:

Are pregnant, or in the postpartum period (especially if you’ve had a difficult delivery or tearing).

Experience existing pelvic pain, discomfort, or have a current vaginal or pelvic infection.

Are recovering from any gynecological or pelvic surgery.

Use an intrauterine device (IUD). While generally safe, some users may experience increased awareness or discomfort.

Use a menstrual cup regularly, as the internal fit and pressure might be different.

Your doctor can provide personalized advice based on your health history and current condition.

Getting Started: Insertion

Proper hygiene is paramount before insertion. Always start by thoroughly washing your hands with antibacterial soap. Next, clean your Kegel balls with warm water and a mild, antibacterial soap designed for body-safe materials, or a dedicated sex toy cleaner. Rinse them completely and dry them with a clean, lint-free towel or allow them to air dry completely.

Application of lubricant is key for comfortable insertion. Use a generous amount of high-quality, water-based personal lubricant around your vaginal opening and directly onto the Kegel balls. Silicone-based lubricants should never be used with silicone Kegel balls, as they can degrade the material.

Find a comfortable position, such as lying down with knees bent or standing with one leg raised slightly. Gently insert the first ball into the vaginal canal, pushing it upwards, followed by the second ball (if using a connected set). If your set includes a retrieval loop or string, ensure this remains easily accessible outside the vagina for removal.

Once inserted, stand up and gently contract your pelvic floor muscles. The balls should feel comfortably seated inside your vaginal canal and not feel like they are going to slip out easily. If they feel too heavy or seem to be positioned too low, they might be too heavy for your current muscle strength. Try adjusting their position higher inside, but if they still feel unstable, consider trying a lighter set.

The sensation of wearing Kegel balls varies but is often described as a subtle internal awareness or a gentle, pleasant weight and tingling, which can become more pronounced with movement.

What to Do Once They’re In?

Your activity while wearing Kegel balls depends entirely on your goal – whether it’s muscle strengthening or pleasure enhancement.

For Pelvic Floor Strengthening:

Wearing weighted Kegel balls adds resistance to your pelvic floor exercises, making contractions more effective and helping you isolate the correct muscles. With the balls inserted comfortably, perform targeted Kegel exercises: squeeze your pelvic floor muscles as if you are trying to stop the flow of urine and lifting the balls internally. Hold the contraction for about 5-10 seconds, then fully relax for an equal amount of time. Repeat this squeeze-and-relax cycle for 5-10 repetitions to complete one set. Aim for 2-3 sets per day. Consistency is more important than intensity initially.

For Enhancing Sexual Pleasure (Solo or Partnered):

Kegel balls aren’t typically used with the same in-and-out motion as traditional vibrators or dildos (though some people do find this pleasurable). Their primary pleasure-enhancing effect comes from the internal sensation they create when worn.

Solo Play: With the balls inserted, engage in your usual solo activities like clitoral stimulation, external massage, or using other toys externally. The internal presence and subtle movement of the balls as you shift and contract your muscles can significantly amplify the sensations you experience externally, creating a deeper, fuller feeling of arousal. Try gently squeezing your pelvic floor muscles while using a vibrator on your clitoris for an intensified experience.

Partnered Play: Kegel balls can add an exciting layer to partnered intimacy. Because they are discreet and silent, they can be inserted as a secret during foreplay or even before a date to build anticipation. The longer they are in, the more heightened your internal awareness and sensitivity might become.

Before Penetration: You can wear them during kissing, touching, or manual stimulation, removing them just before vaginal penetration begins.

During Penetration (Advanced – Use Caution): For those comfortable and experienced with Kegel balls, wearing them during vaginal penetration can create incredibly intense sensations. As your partner’s penis or a dildo moves within the vagina, it will gently shift the Kegel balls, creating a unique internal massage and pressure against the vaginal walls and potentially the G-spot area. If trying this, start with slow, shallow thrusts to gauge the sensation and ensure comfort. Communicate openly with your partner.

Anal Play (IMPORTANT!): While anal penetration can indirectly stimulate the G-spot (which is located on the anterior vaginal wall) by putting pressure on the rectum, you should NEVER insert Kegel balls into the anus. They are not designed for anal anatomy, can easily get stuck, and removal can be difficult and potentially require medical assistance. If used in conjunction with anal play, the Kegel balls must remain safely inserted within the vagina.

Removing Your Kegel Balls

How long you can wear Kegel balls varies depending on the balls themselves, your comfort level, and your pelvic floor strength. Beginners should start with shorter durations (e.g., 15-30 minutes) and gradually increase as they build strength and endurance. Generally, it’s advised not to wear them for more than 4-6 hours at a time to avoid overexertion.

With a Retrieval String/Loop: If your Kegel balls are connected with a string or loop, removal is usually straightforward. Lie down or squat in a comfortable position, relax your pelvic floor muscles, and gently pull on the retrieval string until the balls slide out. Adding a little more lubricant to the vaginal opening can ease removal if needed.

Without a Retrieval String/Loop (for experienced users): For sets without a string, removal requires using your pelvic floor muscles. Squat down and gently bear down or push with your vaginal muscles, similar to having a bowel movement, while simultaneously relaxing your vaginal opening. Gravity and muscle contraction should help the balls descend and be expelled.

Don’t panic if the balls don’t come out immediately. Try changing positions, relaxing, adding more lube, coughing, or gently bearing down. Persistent difficulty should prompt a call to your doctor.

Cleaning and Storing Your Kegel Balls

Maintaining the cleanliness of your Kegel balls is non-negotiable to prevent the introduction of bacteria into the vagina, which can lead to infections like bacterial vaginosis or yeast infections.

Immediately after removal, thoroughly wash your Kegel balls with warm water and a mild antibacterial soap or a dedicated sex toy cleaner. Pay attention to any seams or textures where bacteria might linger. Rinse them completely under running water to remove all soap residue.

Drying is just as crucial as washing. Pat the balls completely dry with a clean, lint-free towel or allow them to air dry fully in a clean space with good airflow. Ensure they are bone dry before storing.

Store your clean and dry Kegel balls separately from other sex toys, especially those made of different materials like TPE, TPR, or jelly. Silicone can react poorly with these materials over time, causing them to become sticky or degrade. Use a dedicated storage pouch (often included with the set) or a clean, breathable bag made of fabric like silk or cotton. Store them in a cool, dry place away from direct sunlight.

Potential Risks and When to Seek Medical Advice

While generally safe, be mindful of these potential issues:

Overexertion: Squeezing too hard or for too long (more than 10 seconds) or not allowing adequate rest between contractions and sets can temporarily fatigue or strain the pelvic floor muscles.

Wearing Too Long: Keeping balls inserted for excessive periods (beyond 4-6 hours) can also lead to muscle fatigue.

Infection: Using improperly cleaned or stored Kegel balls is the main risk factor for introducing harmful bacteria.

Discontinue use immediately and consult your doctor if you experience:

Severe pain or significant discomfort during or after use.

Unusual vaginal discharge (changes in colour, consistency, or amount).

An unusual or foul odour.

Persistent difficulty removing the balls.

Choosing Your First Set

If you’re new to Kegel balls, start simple to build confidence and strength.

Material: Begin with body-safe materials like ABS plastic or high-quality silicone. These are non-porous and easy to clean.

Weight & Size: Start with a lighter set. Often, beginner sets are larger and lighter, as larger balls are easier to grip with the pelvic floor muscles. A set of two connected balls is standard and easier to control initially.

Retrieval Method: A set with a retrieval string or loop is highly recommended for beginners, making removal less daunting.

As your pelvic floor strength improves and you become more comfortable, you can gradually increase the challenge by:

Moving to smaller balls (which require more precise muscle control).

Progressing to heavier materials like metal or glass (which provide more weight).

Using individual balls instead of a connected set (requires independent control of each ball).

Focus on changing only one element at a time (e.g., switch to a heavier material but keep the size the same) to understand how each factor affects your experience and progress safely.

By approaching Kegel balls with knowledge, proper technique, and a focus on hygiene, you can safely explore their benefits for both pelvic health and heightened pleasure.

After a satisfying and intimate session with your favourite silicone companion, the last thing on your mind might be cleaning. However, properly caring for your sex toys is absolutely essential for hygiene, longevity, and ensuring they’re ready and safe for your next adventure. Unlike porous materials that can harbour bacteria and are difficult to sanitize, silicone is celebrated for being non-porous, body-safe, and remarkably easy to keep clean. Let’s walk through the best practices for maintaining your silicone treasures.

Always Consult the Manufacturer’s Instructions

Before diving into cleaning, the golden rule is to always check the specific instructions provided by the toy’s manufacturer. They can offer crucial details about waterproofing, recommended cleaning agents, and any materials or methods to avoid for that particular product.

Cleaning Silicone Toys with Motors or Electronics

Toys that vibrate, pulsate, or have other electronic components require extra care to prevent damage.

• Check for Waterproofing: The most important factor is whether your toy is fully waterproof or just splash-proof. Submerging a non-waterproof toy can easily short-circuit the motor or ruin the electronics.
• Waterproof Toys: If the manufacturer states the toy is fully waterproof, you can usually wash it gently under warm running water using a mild, antibacterial soap. Ensure you rinse it thoroughly to remove all soap residue.
• Non-Waterproof Toys: For toys that cannot be submerged, cleaning requires a more cautious approach. Use a damp cloth (not soaking wet) with a small amount of mild, antibacterial soap or a dedicated toy cleaner. Carefully wipe down the silicone surfaces, paying close attention to seams or areas where water could potentially seep into the electronics. Avoid getting moisture near charging ports, battery compartments, or control panels. Removing batteries before cleaning is also a good safety measure if possible.

Cleaning Non-Motorized Silicone Toys

Silicone toys without integrated electronics offer more flexibility in cleaning methods, making thorough sanitization straightforward.

• Boiling: One highly effective method is boiling. Place the silicone toy in a pot of cool water and bring the water to a boil. Let it boil for approximately 5-10 minutes. Ensure the pot is clean before use. This high heat effectively sterilizes the silicone. Always allow the toy to cool completely before handling.
• Dishwasher (Use Caution): Some non-motorized silicone toys can be cleaned in a dishwasher, leveraging the heat and steam for sanitization. Place the toy securely on the top rack, perhaps in a mesh bag to prevent it from moving around. It’s best to run the dishwasher on a cycle without harsh detergents or rinse aids, or on a dedicated sanitize cycle if available. Be aware that repeated high-heat washing might potentially cause slight discoloration over a long period, but it is effective for cleaning.
• Simple Hand Washing: For everyday cleaning, warm water and a mild, unscented antibacterial soap or dedicated toy cleaner is perfectly adequate. Wash the toy thoroughly, rubbing the surfaces gently to remove any residue, and rinse completely.

Choosing Your Cleanser

• Mild Soaps: Gentle antibacterial hand soap or a mild, unscented dish soap can be effective. Ensure they don’t contain harsh chemicals or irritants.
• Dedicated Toy Cleaners/Sanitizers: These products are formulated specifically for sex toy materials and are often a great choice. They are typically alcohol-free, pH-balanced, and designed to kill bacteria without damaging the toy or irritating sensitive skin. They often come in convenient spray or foam formats.
• What to AVOID: Never use harsh chemicals like bleach, rubbing alcohol (unless specifically recommended by the manufacturer for a brief sanitizing step, and even then, use with caution), or acetone. Crucially, avoid using silicone-based lubricants with silicone toys. Silicone lube will chemically break down silicone toys over time, leaving them sticky and unusable. Stick to water-based or hybrid lubricants.

The Importance of Thorough Drying

After cleaning and rinsing your toy, drying is a critical step before storage. Leaving moisture on the surface can still create an environment for bacteria or mould to grow.

• Clean Towel or Air Dry: Use a clean, lint-free towel specifically for drying your toys. Do not use the same towel you might have used for initial wiping during cleaning, as this can re-transfer bacteria. Alternatively, and often preferably, allow the toy to air dry completely in a clean spot with good airflow. Ensure it is bone dry before putting it away.

Proper Storage

How you store your dry silicone toy is also important for maintaining its condition and hygiene.

• Separate Storage: Silicone can react negatively with some other materials, especially certain plastics or rubbers found in other sex toys. Store silicone toys separately from toys made of TPE, TPR, or jelly materials to prevent melting or degradation.
• Protective Pouch or Bag: If the toy came with its own storage pouch (often made of breathable fabric), use it. Otherwise, store your completely dry toy in a clean, breathable bag made of materials like silk, cotton, or a dedicated storage case. Avoid airtight plastic bags or containers which can trap moisture. Store in a cool, dry place away from direct sunlight.

The “Condom Trick” (Use with Caution)

While not a substitute for proper cleaning, using a condom over a toy during use can help keep the toy itself cleaner. The condom acts as a barrier, and any bodily fluids or lubricant residue collects on the condom, which is then simply discarded. However, this method doesn’t eliminate the need for occasional cleaning and is not a foolproof way to prevent all microbial transfer, especially if the toy isn’t completely covered or handled before/after use. It’s an option for reducing mess, but responsible ownership still requires regular, thorough cleaning as outlined above.By incorporating these simple steps into your routine, you ensure your silicone sex toys remain hygienic, safe, and ready to provide pleasure for a long time to come. A little care goes a long way in protecting your health and your investment!

Exploring blindfolding in intimacy can unlock profound levels of trust and sensory experience, but it’s completely understandable for a partner to feel a degree of apprehension. Diving into any new aspect of kink or sexual exploration requires patience, open communication, and a focus on building comfort and security. This guide is designed to help you navigate the initial steps into blindfolding, ensuring it becomes a deeply erotic and beautifully vulnerable shared experience.

Open the Conversation

Before any blindfold comes into play, the most critical step is a thorough and open discussion with your partner. Understand that while the idea might excite one person, it could simultaneously trigger anxiety in the other. This isn’t about persuading someone; it’s about mutual exploration and respect for boundaries.

Discuss how they feel about the prospect of being blindfolded. What are their specific concerns? Is it about loss of control, feeling exposed, or something else entirely? Listen actively and validate their feelings. Reassure them unequivocally that their comfort and consent are paramount, and they have the absolute right to stop at any point using a pre-agreed safe word. Establish this safe word clearly – it should be easy to remember and distinct from anything that might come up during intimacy. Building this foundation of psychological safety is non-negotiable.

Selecting the Right Blindfold

Just like other elements of BDSM and sensory play, blindfolds come in a vast array of styles, materials, and designs. Finding the “perfect” one for a first-time experience is about prioritizing your partner’s comfort and preferences.

Consider the fit: A good blindfold should block out light effectively without being uncomfortably tight or constantly slipping. Adjustable options can be great for ensuring a custom fit. Think about the material: While leather is a classic choice in many kinky contexts, its weight and texture might feel too intense or intimidating for a beginner. Softer materials like silk, satin, or even a simple scarf can be less imposing and still provide the desired sensory deprivation. Some partners might actually prefer a firmer, more structured blindfold as it can feel more secure and grounding. Discuss with your partner what feels right for them – perhaps they’d like something soft and luxurious, or something more substantial.

(Quick tip: If your partner has long hair, suggest tying it up or pulling it back before fitting the blindfold for a smoother experience.)

Ease In Gently

Jumping straight into intense sexual activity while blindfolded can be overwhelming, especially if there’s underlying anxiety. A “test run” can be incredibly beneficial for getting accustomed to the sensation and building trust in a low-pressure environment.

Start with non-sexual intimacy while your partner is blindfolded. This could involve simply cuddling, giving a massage, or sharing a prolonged make-out session. This allows them to focus purely on the feeling of being blindfolded and the heightened sense of touch and sound, without the added intensity of sex or a structured scene. Stay present and attentive to their reactions.

After a short period, remove the blindfold and immediately debrief. Ask them about their experience. What sensations were amplified? How did they feel emotionally? Did any anxious thoughts arise? This conversation provides valuable insight and allows you both to collaboratively plan future blindfolded activities, setting clear boundaries and expectations for what you will and won’t explore.

By approaching blindfolding with trust, open communication, and a willingness to start slow and respect your partner’s pace, you can transform potential anxiety into a gateway for incredibly intimate, heightened, and profoundly erotic shared moments that can truly deepen your connection and sexual exploration.

Societal views on masturbation have often been shrouded in secrecy, shame, and misinformation. For generations, many individuals were taught that exploring their own bodies for pleasure was harmful or wrong. However, scientific research and a more open understanding of human sexuality have revealed a wealth of physical and psychological benefits associated with self-pleasure. It’s time to challenge outdated taboos and embrace the positive aspects of masturbation.

A Look Back: The Long History of Self-Pleasure

Masturbation is far from a modern invention. Archaeological evidence, such as ancient cave paintings, suggests that self-exploration for pleasure has been a part of human experience for millennia, depicted in various cultures across different eras. While attitudes have varied wildly throughout history – sometimes accepted, sometimes condemned – its persistent presence underscores its natural role in human sexuality. Notably, even in more restrictive periods, practices hinting at the therapeutic potential of genital stimulation existed, like the controversial “pelvic massages” administered by physicians in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

The Science of Feeling Good: Health Benefits

The positive impacts of masturbation extend beyond just sexual satisfaction, contributing to overall physical and mental well-being.

Sexual Health and Function

Regular self-stimulation can offer tangible benefits for sexual health:

Pelvic Floor Strength: Engaging in masturbation, particularly leading to orgasm, can help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. Stronger pelvic floor muscles are linked to more intense orgasms and can also play a role in preventing issues like incontinence later in life.

Improved Erections: For men, regular ejaculation through masturbation can promote vascular health and potentially contribute to stronger, longer-lasting erections by maintaining healthy blood flow to the penis.

Sexual Self-Discovery: Masturbation provides a safe and private space to explore one’s own body, learn what feels good, understand arousal patterns, and gain confidence in one’s sexuality without external pressure or performance anxiety. This self-knowledge can significantly enhance partnered sexual experiences.

Tension Release: It serves as a healthy outlet for releasing sexual tension, which can build up and cause discomfort or frustration if not addressed.

Mental and Physical Well-being

The benefits aren’t limited to sexual function:

Mood Enhancement: Orgasm triggers the release of endorphins and other neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, which act as natural mood boosters, promoting feelings of happiness, relaxation, and overall well-being.

Stress Reduction: The act of masturbation and the subsequent release of tension and endorphins can be a highly effective way to reduce stress and anxiety, providing a calming effect on the nervous system.

Pain Relief: For some individuals, the rush of endorphins released during orgasm can act as a natural analgesic, potentially alleviating various types of pain, including headaches and menstrual cramps.

Improved Sleep: The relaxation and release of tension following masturbation can help calm the mind and body, making it easier to fall asleep and combat insomnia.

Body Positivity: Engaging in self-pleasure can foster a more positive relationship with one’s own body, promoting self-acceptance and reducing body image concerns.

Embracing a Healthy Practice

Considering its numerous, evidence-backed benefits for both physical and mental health, masturbation is a natural, safe, and healthy part of human sexuality. Free from the complexities and potential risks sometimes associated with partnered sex, it offers a straightforward path to pleasure, relaxation, and self-discovery.

Perhaps it’s time to let go of the baggage and embrace this natural, beneficial practice.

Intimacy is a vital component of many romantic relationships, but what happens when partners have vastly different desires for sexual frequency? One person might crave daily connection, while the other feels content with intimacy a couple of times a month. This disparity in sexual appetite, or libido, is a common challenge that many couples face. The good news is that navigating differing sex drives is entirely possible with the right approach and a commitment from both individuals.

You Are Not Alone

Firstly, if you find yourself in this situation, understand that you are far from alone. Many relationships experience shifts and differences in sexual compatibility over time. Initial passionate phases can evolve, or couples may discover early on that their natural rhythms don’t align perfectly. This is not necessarily a sign of fundamental incompatibility, but rather a common human variation that requires understanding and effort.

Understanding Libido

A key step in addressing this issue is gaining a deeper understanding of libido itself. We often learn about the mechanics of sex, but less about the complex and fluctuating nature of sexual desire. There isn’t a single “normal” level of sex drive; it exists on a broad spectrum, influenced by genetics, hormones, physical health, mental well-being, and lifestyle factors. Recognizing that libido is not a simple on-or-off switch, and that variations are natural, helps remove blame and judgment from the situation. Neither partner is inherently “wrong” or “abnormal” because their desire differs. Addressing this challenge is a shared responsibility.

Don’t Take It Personally

It’s crucial for both partners to avoid taking differences in sex drive personally. If you are the partner with a higher libido and your advances are frequently declined, it can naturally lead to feelings of rejection, hurt, or inadequacy. However, a lower sex drive is rarely a personal slight against the partner. It can be influenced by stress, fatigue, self-esteem issues, medical conditions, medications, or simply a natural predisposition. Libido also changes throughout life due to age, hormonal shifts, and life circumstances like parenthood or career pressures. Approaching the situation with empathy and compassion, rather than hurt or anger, is essential for maintaining emotional connection and trust.

Reframing Desire

Conversely, if you are the partner with a lower libido, the consistent desire expressed by your partner might feel like pressure or that their affection is purely physical. Try to reframe this perspective. View your partner’s desire as a powerful testament to your attractiveness and the strong connection they feel towards you. While you may not always reciprocate the desire for sex, understanding and appreciating their expression of intimacy can strengthen your bond in other ways.

The Power of Communication

The absolute most critical tool in bridging the gap between different sex drives is open, honest, and consistent communication. This isn’t always an easy conversation to initiate or sustain, but it is non-negotiable if both partners are committed to making the relationship work.

Talk about your feelings when your needs aren’t being met, or when you feel pressured. Share what makes you feel desired and connected, both sexually and non-sexually. Discuss what activities enhance your desire or make you feel comfortable with intimacy. Be specific about boundaries and comfort levels. This dialogue should be a safe space where both individuals can express themselves without fear of criticism or defensiveness. The goal is not to change who you are, but to understand each other and find a mutually agreeable path forward.

Finding Compromise

Through this open communication, couples can explore compromise. This might involve finding a frequency that works for both, even if it’s not each person’s ideal. It could mean expanding the definition of intimacy to include non-penetrative acts, cuddling, massage, or other forms of physical closeness that satisfy needs without the pressure of traditional intercourse. It could also involve scheduling intimacy or setting aside specific times for connection, which can help the lower-libido partner feel less put on the spot and the higher-libido partner feel desired.

Conclusion

Ultimately, a successful relationship isn’t measured solely by sexual frequency, but by mutual respect, understanding, and a willingness to navigate challenges together. Sex drives are fluid and can change throughout a relationship. By focusing on communication, empathy, and creative compromise, couples with different libidos can build a strong, intimate, and fulfilling connection that meets both partners’ needs, even if those needs are expressed differently.